Épisode Un week-end en famille S01E07 - Brothers & Sisters Saison 1

Previously on "Brothers and Sisters"

Nora : This is the first date I've had in 40 years.

David : I hope there, there isn't a misunderstanding. We've had lunch together over a hundred times. And I didn't think this was any different.

Kitty : What are you doing here?

Warren : Oh, Hello, Kitty.

Kitty : I ended an engagement only to find out that you're dating Malibu Barbie.

Sarah : Dad sold a million dollars worth of stock back to the company. Ojai paid $15 million for it.$15 million we can't find.

Man : The trail stops at a password between five and eight characters long.

Saul : Is that your daughter?

Holly : Yeah. Her name's Becky.

Saul : Becky.

Doctor : You're sterile.

Julia : Having children with you would make me the happiest woman in the world. But I don't care how we have them.

 

In the television's studio.

Warren : You can't dispute global warming, Kitty. It's a fact.

Kitty : Oh, you wanna talk about the facts? Okay, well, here's an inconvenient truth : in Africa, 3,000 children die every day from Malaria. What can save them? D.D.T. The environmentalists, though, they don't wanna lift the ban on D.D.T. because it might thin the shells of some bird's eggs. Okay, excuse me while I go and projectile vomit on Al Gore.

Jack : Looks like that will be the last word for tonight. Until next time, from all of us here at "Red, White & Blue," good night and stay safe.

Man : And we're out.

Warren : "Stay safe"?

Jack : Yeah, I'm trying a new sign-off. I asked for suggestions on my blog.

Kitty : You know, our average viewer is a 50-year-old white guy who makes $100,000 a year? What does he need to stay safe from? U.V.B rays?

Amber : Great show, guys! Kitty, here's the research for your interview with the French ambassador. Do you know the French didn't invent the french fries? Les pommes frites originated in Belgium. We don't call 'em Belgian fries. Weird, huh?

Kitty : Yeah, yeah, but you did know that this is a political show and not a cooking show?

Amber : And just to be safe, I included the most recent G.N.P. data from the European Union. You know, in case you wanna ask him about non-stationary trends in the French economy and how that's affecting the young Muslim workforce.

Kitty : Amber, you truly are a study in contradictions.

Amber : Oh, so I got you, me and a bunch of my friends on the list at the Irony Club. Thursday is body glitter night. It's gonna be a total scene.

Warren : Sounds great.

Amber : I promise you'll love it. This is gonna be even better than J.T. Bye.

Kitty : You know, I, um I think that they have some glitter in one of the storage spaces leftover from Christmas.

Warren : Please don't start. I can't defend myself. She is so enthusiastic about everything. It's exhausting.

Kitty : She's adorable and she's utterly refreshing. Who's J.T.?

Warren : Justin Timberlake. Kitty? Let's go someplace together this weekend. I don't care where. Someplace where there's no blue chair, no red chair just, um, just us. So we can see if if this what we what we thought we had could work.

Kitty : You know, you have the worst timing of anybody I have ever met in my life. Stop grinning at me like that.

To Ojai Foods.

Sarah : The sale only includes the orchards, the out-buildings and the operational equipment.

Man : We want the ranch house and the acreage as well. All in. Our offer's 9.3.

Sarah : Give us the weekend to think it through.

Man : It's a fair offer.

Sarah : We'll see.

Tommy : I didn't know you put the ranch house in play, too.

Sarah : I didn't. But when one's father embezzles $15 million of his own company's pension money, one can't really afford to be sentimental.

Saul : Okay, even if we include the sale of the ranch house, it still leaves us $3 million short.

Tommy : All I'm saying is, let's not jump the gun right when we managed to find out where Dad put the money.

Sarah : Finding password protected accounts is not the same thing as finding the money, Tommy.

Saul : Particularly when we can't crack the password.

 

To Nora's house, in the kitchen.

Justin : God, Sarah, what were you thinking?

Sarah : I was thinking it might be fun to keep us out of bankruptcy.

Kevin : Yeah, but the ranch? Why not sell our childhoods?

Sarah : Because they're not worth $9 million.

Kitty : Well, they were before you have to net out expenses on things like therapy. Oh, why are you glaring at me? She said something, too.

Kevin : You're quiet.

Tommy : She's the prez.

Kevin : Yeah, of the company. Look, the ranch house is part of the family. My first memory is of Dad reading me a bedtime story up there.

Justin : I learned to ride a bike up there, among other things.

Kitty : Remember how the air used to smell at night?

Tommy : Yeah, in the fall the mesquite and the charcoal.

Sarah : Oh, come on, guys. We're not the Waltons. Nobody even used the ranch house last year.

Nora : I think we should trust Sarah's judgment. If she's determined that we should sell the ranch, then we should sell the ranch.

Sarah : Thank you, Mom.

Justin : Oh, someone call an exorcist. Mom's possessed.

Kevin : Yeah.

Nora : We could all go up there this weekend, box up all the stuff we wanna keep, make it a family outing. We could play running charades they way we used to. The boys could sleep in the bunks and try to scare the girls at night.

Sarah : I would love to, Mom, but I have to stay back and crunch the numbers on the deal.

Tommy : Yeah, I have to help her.

Kitty : Yeah, me, too. No, I've got a lot of...

Kevin : I'm I'm crunching.

Kitty : Anybody want more wine?

 

Sarah and Joe want to go in Ojai's ranch.

Sarah : What I remember about Ojai were the boys and the sunsets and this old chair on the porch where I read Jane Eyre. Oh, and I lost my virginity there, too.

Joe : You never told me that.

Sarah : Tucker Booth tall, blue-eyed, blond hair, a very hot day in the tree house.

Joe : Okay, don't need to hear more of that. You know what we should do this weekend?

Sarah : No, no, we can't go to Ojai.

Joe : Come on, let's go. No one will be there. I'd like to, uh, check out the tree house, put my stamp on it.

Sarah : You think you can last longer than he did?

 

Kevin and Scotty decide to go to the ranch for the week-end.

Kevin : I lost my virginity in Ojai, both times. First to this girl called Sarah Gimble. And second, one summer later, to this, this guy, this total stud. Everyone in Ojai was in love with him.

Scotty : What was his name?

Kevin : Tucker Booth. Really tall, with this bleached blond hair. I lured him into this tree house Tommy and I had built. Hey, you know what we should do?

Scotty : Google "Tucker Booth"?

Kevin : No, we should go up there this weekend. I mean, the thought of not seeing the place again is breaking my heart.

Scotty : I thought you had a lot of work to do.

Kevin : Yeah, I do. I can do it up there. And I want to see the orchards.

Scotty : I wanna see the tree house.

 

Justin wants to bring Tyler in the ranch.

Tyler : Why would I wanna go to Ojai with you?

Justin : Because it's so cool up there. You have no idea. We would have the whole place to ourselves. Look, the house has this huge fireplace. At night it gets so dark you can actually see the stars. And there's this tree house, this really fantastic tree house, where I got high for the first time with this really cool dude,Tucker Booth. Come on. I'm freaking out just thinking about this. Come.

Tyler : I'm not going away with you, Justin. We just started dating, and I'm a good Catholic girl.

Justin : Okay, you know, I've been with enough Catholic girls to know the expression good Catholic girl it's an oxymoron.

Tyler : Since when do you know what oxymoron means?

Justin : You know, I'm full of surprises. And maybe if you come to Ojai, I can show. I'll take that as a yes. We're gonna have so much fun!

 

In the studio and Kitty ask Warren if he wants to go to the ranch.

Man : The network's been beating me up about our 18 to 35 demographic numbers. So I need each of you to turn in five story ideas that appeal to the youth market. Kitty, your interview with Jean Claude "frenchy-french" is this weekend. I'm thinking we should get out of the studio.

Kitty : Uh, uh, yeah, Whit, about that interview I, uh, I'm really sorry, but I can't do it. A conflict something just came up.

Man : All right, Warren, you take it.

Warren : Oh, I can't. I got Vegas this weekend with some college buddies.

Man : Jack, you're up.

Jack : Oh, sorry, I can't. I'm taking my mom to the circus.

Kitty : Oh, come on.

Jack : What? She's been looking forward to it for months.

Amber : I could do it.

Man : It's okay, Amber.

Kitty : No, no, wait a minute. Whit, that is a great idea. I mean, you should give her a chance. She's got a degree in journalism. She compiled all the research. She knows everything I know. You said that you wanted to appeal to the youth market. What could be more youthful and appealing than Amber?

Man : Okay, but I want you to rehearse with her before you go. And if she screws up, I'm gonna run seven minutes of your blooper reel. That's it, everybody.

Amber : Kitty, I am so grateful for your confidence in me. I won't let you down. I promise.

Kitty : No, you know, I know you're gonna be great. Knock 'em dead.

Amber : You are the best mentor I've ever had.

Kitty : Oh, right.

Amber : I better go study.

Warren : So, it's a weekend?

Kitty : On two conditions; one, you tell Amber exactly what is going on. And two, if this doesn't work out with us, you will stop, once and for all, with your midday afternoon love confessions.

Warren : So it's a yes?

Kitty : It's a yes.

Warren : Well, great, great. Where do you wanna go? San Diego? Laguna?

Kitty : You know, actually, I have a a great place.

 

David accepts to drive Nora to the ranch.

Nora : David, excuse me. I don't want to interrupt, but could I ask you a favor?

David : Only if apple-tinis are involved again.

Nora : Funny. Really funny. No, it doesn't. Um, could I borrow your truck? I've decided to go to Ojai today. We're selling the big ranch house. William's gone. It feels like an extravagance. And there's so much I want to keep, like this big, oak panel where we marked all the kids' heights when they were growing up.

David : Well, I tell you what, why don't you let me drive you? You shouldn't be tearing down paneling by yourself.

Nora : No, no, no. I would not ask you to drop whatever it is you're doing today, no.

David : I'm already three weeks behind on four different jobs. One more day is not gonna make a difference.

Nora : Clearly, that's why contractors never finish anything on time.

David : That is why. Let me drive you.

Nora : All right. It's just an errand one friend doing another friend a favor platonic, totally and utterly platonic. I'll buy everything. I'll pay for gas. I'll buy us some.

David : Nora, I want to drive you. Please let me drive you.

Nora : Fine. Thank you.

David : You're welcome.

 

Tommy is sterile.

Doctor : Lot 7-2-4 has had 3 confirmed pregnancies. He's a fertility clinic's dream straight brown hair, college graduate.

Tommy : Amazing he has any sperm left to donate.

Doctor : We're not really supposed to have favorites, but this one is very popular. He's got a great sense of humor, and he's of Irish and Jewish descent, just like you, Mr.Walker. Plus he's an Ivy League grad, Phi Beta Kappa.

Tommy : You know what? Could you excuse us for a minute?

Doctor : No problem. You guys take as long as you need. I'll be right down the hall.

Julia : Thank you. Are you all right?

Tommy : I know the idea is to find a donor like me, you know, same color hair and eyes. But when I think about that guy's sperm in your body, I, I just want to strangle him.

Julia : Let's go home.

Tommy : I'm sorry. Look, you know what? We should go out of town. All this stuff, it's just, it's freaking us out. We'll go up to the ranch, you and me, and just relax.

Julia : Okay.

 

To Ojai, Sarah and Saul try get into the account.

Jordan : I still can't get into the account. I've tried everything, uh, high school mascot, a, a word or phrase from a postcard that he kept.

Sarah : Sounds mind-numbing.

Jordan : I've been over everything you gave me to try and figure out the password.

Sarah : What's this?

Saul : Jordan asked me for a list of your father's friends and acquaintances.

Sarah : You've tried every one of these?

Jordan : Every name, every name in reverse, with birthdays, without birthdays, with birthdays in reverse. I'll keep on it.

Saul : Thanks, Jordan.

Jordan : Call me if any new ideas occur.

Sarah : Thank you. What about Holly Harper? Did you write her name down?

Saul : Of course, Sarah. This isn't a time for discretion.

Sarah : Have you talked to her, Saul? Maybe she knows a name we don't.

Saul : Well, actually, I've been trying to think of a way to bring it up. It's tricky.

Sarah : Yeah, well, Joe and I are sneaking up to the ranch house this weekend. I'll look around up there, and maybe I'll find something useful.

Saul : Okay.

Sarah : Who's Rebecca? You wrote down Rebecca.

Saul : She was your father's first high school crush, I think.

Sarah : You think, or you know?

Saul : Well, as far as I can recall, he referred to her with great affection when he learned that she died a few years ago. Unfortunately, I don't remember her birthday. Have a good time at the ranch.

Sarah : Oh, we will.

Saul : I love that place. It's a little slice of heaven.

Sarah : I know.

 

The Walkers arrive in the ranch.

Nora : Oh, my I'm drenched.

David : Oh, God, Nora, this place is beautiful.

Nora : A lot of good times here, a lot of ghosts, too. Good ones, though. Here. Here it is. Oh, my panel.

David : I could see why you want to save this.

Nora : It was a yearly ritual every summer. Justin would always cheat and stand on his tiptoes. He was always an inch shorter than whatever it said up there. You're dripping wet.

David : Well, so are you, if you hadn't noticed.

Nora : Yeah, I am. We could throw our clothes in the dryer.

David : Well, I don't mean to be picky, but, uh, what are we gonna wear in the meantime?

Nora : Uh, well, tell you what, you could go into the bedroom, take your clothes off. I'll put 'em in the dryer. You just wait in there. How long do you think it's gonna take?

David : Well, kind of impatient, aren't you? I barely got my shirt off.

Nora : No. To remove the panel.

David : Oh, I don't know. Shouldn't take long. You shouldn't worry about it anyway. I don't think we should be on the road right now.

Nora : Uh, you know, I've got some canned goods in the storm cellar, maybe even a bottle of wine. We could make a picnic out of it. You can't believe what great things I can do with a can of soup.

David : I'd expect nothing less.

 

Kitty : Oh, this sucks about the weather. It's gonna ruin our walks to the orange groves.

Warren : That's okay. I was planning on strictly indoor activities anyway.

Kitty : Oh, well, listen up, city boy, I am going to teach you the joys of the. Mom.

Nora : Kitty.

Kitty : Mom!

Nora : Kitty!

Kitty : What are you doing here?

Nora : What are you doing here?

Kitty : You told me that you weren't coming till the middle of the week.

Nora : You said you weren't coming at all.

Kitty : Well.

David : Oh, look, Nora, I found a robe.

Warren : Well, uh, looks like you guys had the same idea we did. I'm Warren, by the way.

David : I'm David, Nora's contractor.

Warren : Of course you are.

Nora : Look, don't you have a robe or something in here?

Kitty : Mother. Mother. Mother!

Nora : What?

Kitty : I'm sorry, but when I packed, I didn't realize I was going to be walking into Caligula's bathhouse.

Nora : Well, what did you pack for?

Kitty : I packed for work. Warren and I are, you know, we're, we're preparing for a very big interview.

Nora : Is that the euphemism of choice these days?

Kitty : You know what, Mother? You're just trying to divert the attention because Dave came up here to remodel you.

Nora : I di, I, oh, my god.

Kitty : Who is it?

Nora : It's Kevin and Scotty. That big mouth. We'll never hear the end of this. You've got to do something.

Kitty : Well, what do you want me to do, Mother?

Nora : You're the journalist. Lie!

Kitty : What? No. I don't have anything to hide. I came up here to work.

Nora : With a bag full of silky things and no laptop and no papers and no pencils?

Kitty : Just, just, Mom, Mom.

 

Nora : Hi.

Kitty : Hey, guys.

Kevin : Good. I thought you were coming next week.

Nora : I changed my mind.

Kitty : Woman's prerogative.

Nora : It certainly is.

Kevin : Is that Dave's truck out there?

Nora : Yeah.

Kitty : Well, of course it is.

Nora & Kitty : He came, he came to make, we're packing some boxes, and--

Kevin : Are you cold, Mom?

Kitty : Sure, it's freezing.

Nora : No. Well, kind of cold.

Kitty : Now that the blanket's on, she's okay.

Scotty : Whose hybrid is that?

Kitty : Well, that's Warren's, because, well, well, see, what happened is is that we're preparing this really big interview. It's big. And then Warren decided to come up to bring me some very big papers,and stuff.

Nora : It's so great of him.

Kevin : That's really nice of him. Did he bring Amber?

Kitty : You know...

Nora : Jesus, Joseph and Mary.

Kitty : I don't I don't I don't believe it.

Kevin : Who's that?

Nora : It's the rest of the family, honey.

Kevin : Holy crap.

Nora : No kidding.

 

In the living-room.

Tommy : Run this by me one more time.

Kitty : Oh, is it really all that complicated, Tommy? I mean, Mom wanted to say good-bye to the place. I wanted to help, and...

Nora : Dave offered to donate his truck, while Warren came up to

Kitty : Deliver tape on Israel, uh, for a piece that we're doing on the show this week.

Sarah : Where does Amber fit into this?

Kitty : Amber is working. You know, we still haven't heard why you two married couples changed your minds.

Sarah : We just wanted to be alone.

Tommy : Just wanted time alone.

Nora : So then, there you have it, and the roads are like rivers, so I'm afraid we're here for the duration. But luckily, we have just enough beds.

Sarah : Oh, no.

Kevin : were enough beds.

Justin : You guys are so lame.

 

Everybody is up and they are eating.

Sarah : Good morning, everyone.

Nora : Morning.

Sarah : Does anyone want to confess to being the one who snores like a freight train? Kevin, I'm looking at you.

Kevin : It was Kitty.

Kitty : I did I do not snore.

Kevin : Yeah, you do. You always did. You just don't know it.

David : Warren and Scotty and I slept like babies in the bunk room.

Justin : Morning.

Kevin : Oh, wow, we didn't pack clothes?

Justin : Yeah, well, I didn't plan on needing any this weekend, Buzzkill.

Tyler : Morning.

Tommy : It's like a frat house in here.

Nora : It's like old times, isn't it?

Tommy : Hey, Kev, you want to start up the old tractor?

Kevin : Couldn't you run me over with it instead?

Tommy : Come on. We gotta clear up some brush so we can play football.

Kevin : Well, I hate clearing brush almost as much as I hate football.

Justin : I'll do it.

Tommy : Come on, Kev. It'll be fun.

Justin : Bro, I said I'll do it.

Tommy : I asked Kevin.

Kevin : Let me just get my shoes.

 

Kevin and Tommy outside.

Kevin : You know, you shouldn't be so hard on Justin, Tommy. He's been really good lately. I don't know. Whatever you think you might be accomplishing, I don't think you are. What are we doing here, anyway?

Tommy : It's the battery. Yeah, look. It's all rusty. Can you hand me a screwdriver? You know what a screwdriver looks like.

Kevin : It's orange and comes in a glass filled with ice.

Tommy : That thing.

 

Justin and Tyler are in the tree house.

Justin : Don't be a wussy. Come on, you got it. Come here. Just like I remember it.

Tyler : It doesn't seem too sturdy.

Justin : It's totally safe. See?

Tyler : Please don't do that.

Justin : God, if these walls could talk. That's all I'm gonna say.

Tyler : What's that?

Justin : Uh, it's a joint--or a jay, also known as a doobie.

Tyler : I know what a joint is, dumb-ass. I meant, what are you doing with it?

Justin : Oh, it's just for old time's sake. Come on. Jeez, that's nostalgic.

Tyler : Let's relive what a loser you were when you were16.

Justin : Okay, I was not a loser.

Tyler : You're always bitching that's what your family thinks about you.

Justin : Hey, I don't care what my family thinks.

Tyler : I think it's all you care about.

Justin : I am trying to figure out why I'm not mad at you when you talk to me like that.

Tyler : Because it's nice when someone tells you the truth.

Justin : Really? You look amazing.

 

David helps Nora in the house.

Nora : I really appreciate you doing this. This thing is so precious to me.

David : Of course it is. I'll, uh, pack it up in my truck and drop it off at your house on the way home.

Nora : Aren't you gonna stay for dinner?

David : Wasn't planning on it.

Nora : Well, I can't let you drive home on an empty stomach, and besides that, it's gonna be an absolutely sensational meal.

David : Well, then I'd love to.

Nora : Really?

David : All you had to do was ask.

Nora : Careful. A little slower on that one.

David : Don't you have cooking to do?

Nora : No, I'd rather watch.

David : I know you would.

 

Warren and Kitty talk about politics.

Warren : You know, I gotta say, your family seems pretty much to the left of the salad fork. How'd they go wrong with you?

Kitty : Oh, by being perfect, I guess, well, at least appearing that way, wedded bliss for my parents, songs around the piano during the holidays, touch football in the summertime, the paradigmatic American nuclear family. So I don't know. I guess when I discovered politics, I decided I wanted to support the party that stood for those values, home, family, America. What?

Warren : It's just that you are the least cynical Republican I think I've ever met.

Kitty : Well, that's because you just haven't met enough Republicans.

Warren : One's enough.

Kitty : So was Amber upset when you, uh, told her that you were coming up here with me?

Warren : No, not at all. She was too excited about that interview to care.

Kitty : That's good.

 

Joe and Sarah are in the attic.

Joe : I think you're looking for a needle in a haystack, hon.

Sarah : Right. Wish I could just ask him. Maybe we should hire a medium instead of a forensic accountant.

Joe : Ah, I can't get over how much you looked like Paige when you were a kid. Who's this?

Sarah : Kitty? No. Wait. I don't know. It's Tommy, yeah?

Joe : This is your dad's car?

Sarah : Yeah, he got that car in, like, '79, so I guess it's Justin.

Joe : I was in high school in '79.

Sarah : I wish I'd known you in high school. You must've been hot. I know you really wanted to christen the tree house, but attic sex is much better than tree house sex.

 

Tommy talks Kevin about being sterile.

Kevin : Well, look on the bright side. At least now we don't have to clear the pasture, or better yet, play touch football. Oh, what?

Tommy : I don't know. Just this place makes me miss Dad even more. You know, he wasn't exactly who we thought he was, but growing up, I wanted to be just like him you know, a father just like him. But recently I found out that's not gonna happen. Julia and I have been trying to get pregnant. We can't. It's my fault. I'm sterile.

Kevin : Oh, man. I am so sorry.

Tommy : We went to one of those sperm banks. I'm-- I'm just not into it. They're like real estate brokers.

Kevin : Look, I can get you a great adoption lawyer if you want.

Tommy : No. No. I don't want to do that. It just it doesn't feel right. I want my kid to be a part of me, a part of us, you know?

Kevin : Yes, yeah, but you know, a lot of people come around to the idea of adoption

Tommy : Kevin, this is really hard for me to say but we want to use your sperm to get Julia pregnant.

Justin : We're okay.

 

Kevin, Kitty, Sarah and Scotty are talking about Tommy.

Kitty : I mean, that is really delicate.

Kevin : Yeah, I could barely form words, but I think I managed to let him down gently.

Scotty : Let him down gently?

Sarah : You did not.

Kevin : Shut up.

Kitty : You said no?

Kevin : Are you being serious? Wh-what did you expect?

Sarah : How could you not want to help Julia and Tommy?

Kevin : Okay, take a minute, Sarah, and think this through. This does not fall within the parameters of normal brotherly duty.

Sarah : Since when has this been a normal family?

Scotty : Haven eaten a few meals with you people, I have to agree with Sarah on that point.

Kevin : Okay, I'm starting to regret that I ever told you.

Sarah : Yeah, so am I, Kevin. This isn't like you.

Scotty : Don't you find it the teeniest bit odd that you, a gay man, are suddenly embracing the idea of "normal?"

Kevin : You know, for once, Scotty, I would like to have an opinion without you connecting it to my sexuality.

 

Amber phones to Kitty.

Kitty : Slow down, Amber. It's okay. You can do this. You're you're gonna be great.

Amber : Oh, God, I think I might be having a panic attack. I mean, I've never had one before, so I don't know what it feels like, but I kind of think it feels like this, because I'm--

Kitty : Amber, take a deep breath. You're gonna be fine.

Amber : I just don't want to come off like a stupid blonde.

Kitty : Well, you know what? That's great. Let him underestimate you. Work it to your advantage, and if he gives you that kind of pat, prescripted answer to a tough question, you just sit there. You don't say anything. He'll jump in to fill the silence, and that's when you'll really get him to reveal himself.

Amber : You're, like, a total genius. Thank you so much, Kitty.

Kitty : You're welcome.

Amber : Oh, um, can you do me a favor?

Kitty : Sure.

Amber : Can you not mention this to Warren when he gets back from Vegas? I know it's silly, but I think we have a really good thing going between us, and I kind of want to impress him. I want him to think I'm smart, you know, like you.

Kitty : Sure. Absolutely.

Amber : Thanks.

Kitty : And good luck.

Warren : I've been thinking, you know, this may be my only chance in life for an actual literal roll in the hay.

Kitty : You lied about Amber. You told me that you ended it, but you didn't. She just called me.

Warren : I'm sorry. Okay, I was going to. I went to do it, but she was over the moon about that stupid interview.

Kitty : Well, okay, so why didn't you just tell me that? Why did you have to lie about it?

Warren : You've been lying since we walked in the front door.

Kitty : You know what? I'm not gonna be sneaking around behind the back of a 23-year-old girl, and I really hate it, I hate it that you put me in that position.

 

The dinner.

Nora : I told you they would exhaust themselves, and they have.

Joe : Justin, this is for you. What'd I tell ya? That is you, right?

Justin : I don't know. Mom, you ever make me wear a bonnet?

Sarah : That's gotta be you. Tommy was 4 when dad got that car.

Justin : I don't remember having such a squished face, but maybe one of you dropped me that day.

Joe : Or maybe you fell out of a tree house naked.

Justin : Yeah, the attic was taken.

Sarah : Joe?

Nora : Justin, this isn't you. I don't know who it is some neighbor kid, I guess.

Kitty : Oh, you know what? Maybe it's that that boy. What was his name? Uh, Tucker Booth. What?

Nora : Julia, honey, are you all right?

Tommy : Hey, sweetie, let me let me take this.

Sarah : Are you happy now?

Kevin : Excuse me?

Sarah : You heard me.

Kevin : Sarah, stop it.

Nora : What are you two fighting about?

Kevin : We're not.

Sarah : I just think you're being selfish.

Tommy : Kevin, are you? I can't believe you!

Kevin : I didn't, I didn't bring this up. She did, okay?

Sarah : Tommy, you have no reason to feel weird. He's the one who should feel bad.

Nora : Who should feel bad?

Julia : Oh, God, Tommy! You asked him, didn't you? You asked Kevin for his sperm and didn't tell me?

David : This is really wonderful pasta, Nora.

Tommy : Honey, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done it. I I wanted it to be a surprise.

Nora : Tommy, what the hell is going on? Is there something special about Kevin's sperm I'm unaware of?

Tommy : I'm sterile, Mom. I can't have kids.

Nora : Oh, Tommy. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Sarah : He asked Kevin to help, but he doesn't want to.

Kevin : No, it's not that I don't want to help.

Sarah : Kevin's decided it's his role to save the traditional American family, which is kind of strange, since he's here with his boyfriend.

Kevin : Do you have any opinions on this, Kitty, 'Cause I could sure use some help here.

Kitty : Well, you know, Kevin, I'm sorry, but I'm I don't necessarily agree with your views.

Kevin : Well, uh, you are a conservative. What about all the family values you spew?

Kitty : Well, you know, the last time I looked, Kevin, we're we're a family.

Kevin : Okay, guys, I'm sorry. I don't think anyone is thinking about this kid but me. I'm a lawyer. I see this kind of thing every day, how it blows up in your face. Plus, we can't keep secrets in this family. How long would it be until his friends at school find out his biological dad is actually his gay uncle?

Sarah : I'm sorry, Kevin. You sound like you're channeling Jerry Falwell on Sunday mornings.

Kevin : Oh, come on.

Sarah : I know you don't agree with him, Scotty. You're more evolved than that.

Scotty : I don't.

Kevin : Scotty, please! This is my family. If you're not gonna support me, then shut up. I'm sorry.

Scotty : May I be excused from the table?

Nora : Yes.

Julia : Can I come?

David : Me, too.

Tyler : And me.

Warren : Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna

Julia : Grab the wine.

Joe : We'll need more of that.

Nora : Of all the madness I have ever witnessed from you, this takes the cake. Tommy, I am so sorry. I know how much it means to you to be a father. And, Kevin, if you don't want to help your brother, that's your business. It's not like you're asking him to borrow his car, for God's sakes.

Sarah : But, Mom, it's

Nora : Sarah, you have no place to judge. No! I would have expected it from Kitty, not from

Kitty : Thanks, Mother.

Nora : I'm sorry.

Justin : I'll, I'll help you, Tommy.

Tommy : I don't want your help.

Justin : What is your problem, dude? What did I ever do to you?

Tommy : It's what you've done to yourself.

Nora : If your brother wants to give you his sperm, I don't understand why

Tommy : I didn't ask him, Mom.

Kevin : Yeah, because he's straight. You asked me 'cause you don't think I'm gonna have kids.

Tommy : Is that what you think, Kev? You think I asked you because you're gay?

Kevin : Yes!

Tommy : You can have as many kids as you want. Look, I'm the one who can't.

 

Warren and Scotty leave the ranch.

Warren : Well, I am, um. I'm sorry that the weekend didn't work out the way we planned.

Kitty : You know, the truth is, is I shouldn't have said yes to begin with.

Warren : Maybe. Or maybe the truth is, if we were supposed to have happened, we would have happened by now.

Kitty : Yeah.

Kevin : Scotty, please. Can we, look, this is this is not good. Come on. Don't be like this.

Scotty : Oh, so you're not only telling me what I should say, you're telling me how I should be, too?

Kevin : Oh, come on. That's not what I could we please just talk about this?

Scotty : Warren's offered me a ride. If you want to talk, we'll talk back in L.A.

Kevin : Come on, please. Would you, can we. Well, well, well. Well, I think I've succeeded in making everyone mad at me.

Kitty : I'm not mad at you.

Kevin : I can't believe you, of all people, don't think this is weird.

Kitty : You know, Kev. What Julia and Tommy want is the essence of family values and if I think that and I'm a Conservative, what where the hell are you coming from?

Kevin : You know, I don't talk a lot about what if was like for me growing up gay, but it wasn't easy. Yeah, you know, I was surrounded by all you guys this whole family, but I still felt completely alone. I said no to Tommy 'cause I don't I don't want to bring a kid into this world that would feel different or ashamed. I don't want him go though what I did.

Kitty : Whether it's your kid or whether it's Tommy's kid, it's still gonna be a Walker. And, yeah, you know, you're right, we can't tell him not to feel ashamed or tell him not to feel scared of who he is, but, you know we can do our best to try and convince the next generation that they're perfect, exactly as they are. And if anybody has anything different to say, well then there's gonna be a whole clan of really pissed-off people coming after them. I got three. You only got two.

Kevin : You barely hit the bar twice.

Kitty : That's true.

Kevin : Good eye, Sis.

 

Justin talk to Tommy, he wants to help them.

Tommy : This whole thing has been pushing buttons in me I didn't even know I had. I feel horrible.

Julia : Why do you keep saying that? It's not your fault.

Tommy : Yes, it it's happening because of me. I wanted to make it right. I wanted to come to you and say, "Look, I solved it. I made it better." I wanted to do at least that much.

Julia : Hey, you. If you even knew half of what i thought of you, you'd be the proudest man alive. OK?

Justin : Can I talk to you guys for a second?

Julia : Actually, I'm kinda hungry. I didn't really eat. Love you.

Tommy :I love you, too.

Justin : Look, don't worry, I'm not here to bore you with my "getting-it-together" stories. And I didn't offer to help you tonight just to piss you off more.

Tommy Look, Justin, I'm not pissed off, I'm just disappointed. I'm sorry, but, I've given up trying to figure out you and your problems.

Justin : Look, Tommy, I need you to understand me, OK? Look, one night, my last month in Afghanistan, another medic, this guy Doug, and me, went out with this squad of Rangers. I followed a platoon into the enemy's position just to see if there was anybody alive. Anyway, we went into this, ah, this bunker or this cave and there was all these bodies, and they were all dead, except for this one guy, who, two minutes ago was trying to kill me. I mean, his eyes were just staring at me. Not mean, though, just like, just like, "help me." And I was staring right at him, and ah, I didn't do anything. I let him die, Tommy. I mean, he was a human being and I just let him die. It's why I wanna do this for you, I want to do this for me. I owe a life.

 

After the dinner, David and Nora are outside.

Nora : Hi.

David : Hi.

Nora : Seems like I'm always apologizing for my family.

David : You have nothing to apologize for.

Nora : Oh, please. If they're not falling out of trees, then they're killing each other over sperm.

David : It sure it beats my family. We barely even talk to each other.

Nora : Were you married? I never even asked.

David : For ten years. Some things aren't meant to be.

Nora : Am I crazy or ?

David : No. You're not crazy.

Nora : I'm shaking.

 

Kitty and her mother leave the ranch.

Kitty : We should go, Mom. Dave's waiting.

Nora : I don't know how the three of us are gonna fit in that truck with everything I've piled in there, so I'll sit in the middle, give you more leg-room.

Kitty : You know, Mom, if you really want to sit next to Dave, you should just say so.

Nora : All right, I want to sit next to David. OK, let's go. Goodbye, House. I hope whoever buys it appreciates how special it is.

Kitty : Oh, I don't know. I think its charms might be lost on anybody who didn't grow up spending their summers here.

Nora : Well, it sure is beautiful to me. Justin was conceived here.

Kitty : Really? Huh, well, that's a little more information than I could usually handle, but i guess since we've been talking about sperm all weekend, um it's OK.

Nora : I was hoping it would be lucky for Tommy and Julia, too.

Kitty : Yeah.

Nora : Wait.

Kitty : What are you doing?

Nora : We're gonna leave one last mark on this old house.

Kitty : Oh, Mother, don't be silly.

Nora : Get over here! Stand up straight.

Kitty : Come on.

Nora : What?

Kitty : Feet all the way in! If anyone is gonna leave a mark in this house, it is going to be you, Nora Walker.

Nora : OK.

Kitty : Wow. Look how much you've grown.

 

Holly's daughter.

Sarah : Couldn't figure out who that was. What's up? You look like you just saw a ghost. Do you know who that is? Saul? Who is that? Saul, did Dad. Did Dad and Holly have?

Saul : Holly never made any claims for child support and your father certainly never breathed a word about having a child with Holly.

Sarah : Does Holly have a child?

Saul : Yes. Holly has a daughter, and I don't think anyone's interests are being served by idle speculation about paternity.

Sarah : Oh, I don't think it's idle. What's her name? Saul, what's Holly's daugher's name? Rebecca.

 

Justin and Kevin give their sperm to Tommy and Julia.

Justin : Damn.

Woman : How did everything go?

Justin : Oh, it was fine. Thank you, Ma'am.

Woman : And you?

Kevin : Fine, thank you. Incidentally, I appreciate your support for gay cinema.

Woman : We aim to please. Now, if you could all just fill out these forms.

Tommy : And we'll never know which one of them is.

Woman : That's the plan. Good luck. It was very nice meeting all of you.

Justin : Thank you. OK, I cannot live with the fact she knew exactly what I was doing in there.

It's almost as bad as the time when Mom walked in.

Kevin : Woah! Woah! Woah!

Justin : She's looking at me.

Tommy : Fill out your form.

Kevin : You know, this whole anonymity thing's a joke. Cause if the kid is well-dressed and witty, it's mine.

Justin : You don't stand a chance! My little dude's have been to war.

Kevin : And stoned for the last ten years. Mine are effective.

Tommy : OK, that's enough sperm talk for the rest of my life. I've got some time to kill. You wanna grab a bite?

Justin : Sure.

Kevin : Why not?

Justin : You're not gonna ask us for a kidney or anything, are you?

Tommy : I wouldn't touch your kidney with a ten-foot pole.